If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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