She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You are the jesus of drinking
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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