DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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