So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
