And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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