My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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