bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
