I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize