put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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