she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you told grandpa to call you daddy
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
