Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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