There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
