Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
