Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
