so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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