I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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