Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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