i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
