Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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