census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
