why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
