I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
