I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize