so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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