its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
