Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
