my text book just quoted the cookie monster
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
