I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
