The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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