she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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