The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
