I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize