in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
