so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
