I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
