Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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