even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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