So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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