My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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