I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize