ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
