There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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