He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
