I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
