Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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