I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
