Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
