Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I deserve this hangover.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
