I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
