what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You can't just leave with hair like that
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
