Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
