so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
