"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize