okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That accounts for only three of the penises
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
