At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My ATM looks so different sober.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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