I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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