i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
