my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
