Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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