I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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