I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
