Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize