clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
