I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize