There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
