I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
