I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize