I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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