i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
