Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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