will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
