I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize