Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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