He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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